


Anguish

by Joe_Ikea



Category: Religion & Lore - Ambiguous Fandom, 방탄소년단 | Bangtan Boys | BTS
Genre: 102 foot peen, 532 foot namjoon, Alternate Universe, Anime, Bottom Kim Namjoon | RM, F/M, Foot Fetish, Godzilla - Freeform, IKEA, Kim Namjoon | RM is Bad at Feelings, LGBTQ Themes, Mickey Mouse - Freeform, OBAMA, Size Kink, Spiritual, Spongebob - Freeform, Stretchy, The DMV, Watersports, bill clinton - Freeform, disney police, garfield - Freeform, kpop, lgbtpride, mickey mouse/goofy - Freeform, nut, the best story ever, worm namjoon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-17
Updated: 2021-03-20
Packaged: 2021-03-26 14:13:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 61
Words: 10,482
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30107202
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Joe_Ikea/pseuds/Joe_Ikea
Summary: rap monster is in anguish over his name change. he dies(a literary classic, now brought to you on ao3)
Relationships: Kim Namjoon | RM/Reader, Rap Jesus/Reader
Comments: 3
Kudos: 10





	1. misery

rap monster was in anguish. rap monster wasn't rap monster anymore. no, now his name was RM, and he was full of regret.

"DADDY RAP MONSTER~" you cry, stroking his 102 foot peeen.

"Babe, it's not rap monster anymore.... it's RM... for real me. this isn't the real me"

"the real you is a monster"

"you know i just changed my name to get rid of suspicion!" he yells, 532 foot body quivering in anguish.

"b-b-but daddy this isn't like you~!" you sob onto his pen is.  
"then perish." he puts his massive pee ness back into his pants and SLITHERS away.

"DADDY NO~"

the monster of rap jumps out the windo (he opened it before that sentence btw sorry i forgot to mention that writing is hard :( )


	2. tragedy

the funeral was sad. they played expensive girl while his casket was buried. the lights were dimmed.

"oh rAP MONSTER!~ IM SORRY~" you cry in anguish. spilling gallons of tears over his corpse. it's the length of south korea so your tears all fall into his deep bellybutton.

everyone was crying. "waaaaaaaaah" they cried. but THEN

the body flew up from the casket and into the SKY.

"r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-r-rap monster~?" you ask tearfully and sad

"no" he said with a booming voice. you are confused.

"i am rap jesus now"

the holy creature looked down on his pathetic subjects and shot laser beams from his nips, killing them all instantly.

except for ME


	3. ~interlude~

•~•~•~•~•"i am rap jesus now"•~•~•~•~•~•


	4. ~intermission~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
Girl, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds  
But I feel as though you're the meaning  
  


of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby


	5. depression

(Y/N) should have felt sad that everyone was dead. She was depressed after all, and after rap monster (now jesus's) death, you cried at everything. but instead I felt something else

"come with me baby, i'll show you almost paradise"

he roughly grabs you and flings you into the air and slurps ur juices with his long manly tongue (it's 148 feet long)

"oh my~!" i cried, exploding in delight over the city of seoul, showering them in my friendly liquid

"how DISCUSTING" an elderly woman said (but you could tell she liked it 🤫 #LGBTpride)

"세금이 기한이다, harder please~!" your buddy smoothie nutted in buckets of nut. rap jesus smiled at the sight.

but THEN, you saw it. rap jesus, but i thought he looked different?

he was on the ground with a black afro and his face looked like B) . why is he only 5'11?

"i'm dark rap jesus. fear me." he moaned🤫


	6. sorrow

dark rap jesus smirked and chuckled an evil chuckle. "you cannnnot defeat me rap jesus. for it is i, your evil twin"

you and rap jesus 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐

"if i had an evil twin, why was i born an only child?" rap jesus smirked and chuckled, he had defeated his foe in a battle of wits.

"easy," dark rap jesus smirked and chuckled, "our mom got a adoption" he smirked and chuckled

"gasp~!" (Y/N) gasped. "daddy is this true~??? whom is your parents than?1?~"

"my real mom is bill clinton. he died. it was mpreg.

"dad left. i hate him. if i ever see that yellow square face again nim going to pee in his spongy holes• "

rap jesus smirked and chuckled. "looks like i gOTCHU GOOD dark rap jesus 😩 you oppa and i will kill you ありがとうございまづ"


	7. ~interlude II~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•"rap jesus smirked and chuckled. "looks like i gOTCHU GOOD dark rap jesus 😩 you oppa and i will kill you ありがとうございまづ"~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	8. ~intermission II~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds  
But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today  
  


[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just

take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby


	9. despair

i woke up the next day. i see a friend under my blanket. oops

"honey!!! it's time for breakfast!!~" my daddy calls from the kitchen. he made toast and only toast. my favorite. there were waffles too XD cause he's random OwO

i looked up to my dad, he likes to scratch me with his neckbeard #LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈

he smiled at me and said "i tried marijuana once. i did not inhale."

i smiled back. he always knew just what to say. my other daddy (#LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦) came in and gave me a big buck toothed grin.

"sweaty if you don't hurry your going to be late for sküle!" oh shit! he was right. i stuck the toast in my mouth and ran out the door shouting

"bye daddies! (#LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦🤠) i'm so glad you birthed me!" i shouted to my daddy as he put his arm around my other daddy. they love each other so much!

~~~~~7 hours later~~~~~~

"it's over." my small daddy turned my thicc daddy and slapped him.

"i did not have sexual relations with that woman!" thicc daddy was telling the truth, he NEVER lied. (AN: I NEVER TRUSTED HILLARY I NEW BILL WAS TELLING THE TRUTH THE EVIDENCE WAS PLANTED BY THE CHINESE)

"by the way. i hate rap" small daddy coldly said in my direction.

"GUHOGOGOOGMFMFSPSLNF!" i was having a stroke. my stroke was contagious and it transferred to thicc daddy.

"GHEIWJWLDKFIOFODHS 빌 클린턴은 결코 죽지 않을 것이다 🤪🤪🤪" thicc daddy gasped. he was dead.

"you monster!! you killed him!" i shouted at small daddy. he put his finger on the doorkabob.

"no... you're the monster"

i never saw him again after that. my daddy birthed me twice. once as a baby, and again as DARK RAP MONSTER.


	10. ~flashback~

PREVIOUSLY ON ANGUISH:

i woke up the next day. i see a friend under my blanket. oops

"honey!!! it's time for breakfast!!~" my daddy calls from the kitchen. he made toast and only toast. my favorite. there were waffles too XD cause he's random OwO 

i looked up to my dad, he likes to scratch me with his neckbeard #LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈

he smiled at me and said "i tried marijuana once. i did not inhale."

i smiled back. he always knew just what to say. my other daddy (#LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦) came in and gave me a big buck toothed grin.

"sweaty if you don't hurry your going to be late for sküle!" oh shit! he was right. i stuck the toast in my mouth and ran out the door shouting

"bye daddies! (#LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦🤠) i'm so glad you birthed me!" i shouted to my daddy as he put his arm around my other daddy. they love each other so much!

~~~~~7 hours later~~~~~~

"it's over." my small daddy turned my thicc daddy and slapped him.

"i did not have sexual relations with that woman!" thicc daddy was telling the truth, he NEVER lied. (AN: I NEVER TRUSTED HILLARY I NEW BILL WAS TELLING THE TRUTH THE EVIDENCE WAS PLANTED BY THE CHINESE)

"by the way. i hate rap" small daddy coldly said in my direction.

"GUHOGOGOOGMFMFSPSLNF!" i was having a stroke. my stroke was contagious and it transferred to thicc daddy.

"GHEIWJWLDKFIOFODHS 빌 클린턴은 결코 죽지 않을 것이다 🤪🤪🤪" thicc daddy gasped. he was dead.

"you monster!! you killed him!" i shouted at small daddy. he put his finger on the doorkabob.

"no... you're the monster"

i never saw him again after that. my daddy birthed me twice. once as a baby, and again as DARK RAP MONSTER.  
\-----------------------  
NEXT WEEK ON ANGUISH:

"tch! i will kill him! I will foil your keikaku!" (A/N: keikaku means plan)


	11. ~interlude III~

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~"it's over." my small daddy turned my thicc daddy and slapped him.~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	12. ~intermission III~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today  
  


[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby


	13. mournful

"daddy~ what are we goin to do about dark rap jesus?~" you tugged on his shirt sadly because you knew he could destroy the world easily

"🤔🤔🤔🤔🤔🤨🤨🤨🤨😲😲😲😲🤤🤤🤤😏😏😏😏" he spoke to you in emojis then telepathically told you the plan. "🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫🤫"

"brb" rap jesus bent down for an hour until he reached dark rap jesus' head.

he pet rap jesus and fed him a treat. "good boy 🤫"

he then slithered away into the moon with me clutching desperately to his peen so i didn't fall off

"daddy no that's not what the plan was!!!~"

"oh yeah lol sorry. ok for real tho, brb 🤫"

you and rap jesus quickly flew away into the distance

"oh ok i guess i'll just wait" dark rap jesus came back and waited. it shouldn't take too long.


	14. grief

"ok let's go knock on daddy spange's door... and other things (#LGBTPride 🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦🤠🐒) :)))" rap jesus smirked and winked.

"ok lol~" you knocked on the door. and then you waited. you heard footsteps. you then heard a muffled noise inside the door.

"oh fuck i hope it's not those god damn girl scouts again" you heard the voice say. the door then opened to reveal a naked man. "oh fuck it is the god damn girl scouts"

"you're not daddy spange!!!!!~" i moaned!

"he moved out 40 years ago, to 'mount dark and threatening.' i guess you'll have to journey there for about 134 chapters. have fun" 😏

rap jesus' eyes got really big 👀 and his mouth too 👅 "yikes. k bye"

(A/N: ahahahahahhhhahahahahahahahahahah please help me i am trappe


	15. ~interlude IV~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•"he moved out 40 years ago, to 'mount dark and threatening.' i guess you'll have to journey there for about 134 chapters. have fun" 😏•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	16. ~intermission IV~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby


	17. funk

you and rap jesus left for your journey to dark and threatening mountain. rap jesus opened his phone to gps the mountain

"😱😱😱😱 princess the mountain is really super far away"

"that's ok daddy~ we can have fun while traveling!~" right as you said that, you saw a CLUB appear on the road.

"CLUBS ARE FUN #LGBTPRIDE 🌈🏳️‍🌈🤠🐒👨‍👨‍👦😳" he shouts, flying in through the roof.

when you enter a bass boosted version of the nutshack starts playing. rap jesus loses his MIND.

"tito 'dick' dickman can claim me ANY DAY" he moans, grinding against the wall, breaking it in the process

"shit daddy that's property damage~"

"more like DAMAGE THIS ASS 😏😏😏😩😩😩🤤🤤🤤" he proceeded to twerk on the floor while bloodied by the broken wall. "ITS THE NUT SHACK ITS THE NUTSCHAK ITS THE NUTSHACK ITS THE NUTDJACK ITS THE NUTSHACK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

"daddy~ you're scaring me~" right as you cry that, Jeb Bush appears.

"WHAT DA HELL ARE YOU DOING MOTHERFUCKERS!!?" oh no! he was.... the club owner!!


	18. in the dumps

rap jesus was literally in the dumps. jeb bush gathered a team of 12,000 soldiers to lift him and throw him into the next trash pit.

but.. HE wAS SEPARATED FROM (Y/N)

(A/N m: dis is a POV shift 🤪:)

i looked around , dead bodies were everywhere.

"well... only one choice now to clench my sudden hunger"

rap jesus, dehydrated and starving, VORED the dead bodies. (#LGBTPRIDE 🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦🤠🐒🤫)

(A/N: i'm not into necrophilia!!! 🤬😡😡😱😱)

"wow daddy!~ you saved us from jeb! bush. i wanted him to run again in 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ because i think the political stature of the republican party is unraveling at the seams at the hands of donald trump and internet alt righters and i truthfully believe that jeb! could have rebirthed the party into a grand old party that is respectable once more jeb bush can save america. but not as well as bill clinton of course."

"shit babe u right"

(A/N: FUCK YOU #1 ON SPIRITUAL I AM COMING FOR YOU. DO YOU HEAR ME COMING? IM GETTING CLOSER. I APPLE MAPPED MY WAY HERE. YOU BETTER FIGHT BACK. YOU BETTER KILL ME IN ONE SHOT.


	19. ~interlude V~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~~•"wow daddy!~ you saved us from jeb! bush. i wanted him to run again in 2️⃣0️⃣2️⃣0️⃣ because i think the political stature of the republican party is unraveling at the seams at the hands of donald trump and internet alt righters and i truthfully believe that jeb! could have rebirthed the party into a grand old party that is respectable once more jeb bush can save america. but not as well as bill clinton of course."•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	20. ~intermission V~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby


	21. Thesaurous.com oh fuck this isnt google

after the Jeb bush club trio of doom and nuts (😏😏😏😏) the two of you realized that rap jesus's twerking had destroyed the car. The two of you continued your long trek to find the thickest daddy of them all.

"daddy i was thinking....~"

"can you shut up about jeb bush already you won't stop talking about him."

"i mourn him~ but no I wanted to ask when we're going to find a bathroom. I have to pee."

"you can do it on me 😏" he smirked and winked.

"kay." you climb his body like a tree and water him. that's how he grows so long.

"mmmm so refreshing" he dramatically flips his hair under the liquid. A MODEL IS HERE PRAISE HIM

(A/N: #1 ON SPIRITUAL I WILL FIND YOUR SOCIAL SECURITY NUMBER)


	22. pity

RAPMONSTER IS has been the best priest for the most relatable since he came and I have been playing for the same team as the team for the team who had played the game on Sunday night.

The two countries also are not expected by a group to discuss their own plans for a change on their terms and act the government of a new constitution that is not the first time the government is due for a new law that is not the government.

The only problem is the app crashes every time I use the app app for the app I don't need it for the game app to be the best game on my iPhone 📱 and I love ❤️ that she doesn't like it.

The only app I've had I use to have a problem when you use a phone 📱 to the spell on you and your app that I have been a while due and not the best way for you guys that you have a lot more fun


	23. ~interlude VI~

•~•~•~•~•~•"mmmm so refreshing" he dramatically flips his hair under the liquid. A MODEL IS HERE PRAISE HIM•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	24. ~intermission VI~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

LOUD BREATH


	25. dejection

5 days had passed since the sexy piss scen. You and rap Jesus continued to walk to you the mountain. While walking you saw it in the distance  
  


IKEA

"She's BEAUTIFULB!" Rap Jesus screams.

"um excuse me im standing right here~"

He slaps me across the face with his long noodle🍜. I knew he was going to break IKEA too

rap Jesus enters the establishment and asks for a patty. "One patty please!" He asks.

 ** _AW POOP Y O U NEVER LET US DOWN_**  
**earrape noises*

"Wë gøt šwêdįśh męãtbåłłš fōrèīgñėr"

"That'll work!" He proceeded to take a Swedish shit on the ñêw çârpët.

"Ugh I hate IKEA~" you punched a łæmp with great a n g e r.

"Whérê àrê thē čhëéßūrgš?"u ask. 

** W Ê Ë DÔÑT. ŚĖŁŁ THØŚÉEE E. EE E E E E E E E E E E E E E. E E EE E E E E E E E E E E E E E E E EEE E E E EEE E EEE E E E EEEE E E E E E E E E E E E E EEEE **

**~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**

(A/N: hi everyone it's the author. I am legally required by my lawyer to admit that I am not threatening the #1 spiritual. That was all satire. Please do not take us to court. Thanks)


	26. woe

"Wow that sure was a fun time at IKEA wasn't it daddy~"

"IT sure was! The best part was when we had that great battle with the dark demons possessinng IKEA! Now we're back on track to the mountain."

"Yep~! No more distractions~!" You and rap Jesus stepped forward when suddenly a large building titled "BABYZ R US"

"babe I know you said no more distractipns but I have a mad age play kink"

"Ok ngl SAME DADDY~ I'll be your baby girl for tonite~"

he picks me up bridal style and kicks down the door to BABYZ R US.

the employees scream but he slits their throats so we can have peace. What a gentleman~

I quickly put on the first baby clothes I can find. It's a size -12.

"YEA!" Rap Jesus gets excited and spanks me over and over. I feel like a true millennial. (Baby boomers can write fanfics too kiddos 😜😜😜😜😜😜😜😜)

"Guys you're scaring our customers"

We got kicked out


	27. ~interlude VII~

•~•~•~•~•~•~we got kicked out•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	28. ~intermission VII~

[소개]  
1, 2, 3

[절]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIIIRL, 당신은 천천히 내 멀미를 완화시키는 약 패치입니다.  
나는 어디로 가든 내 귀에 갖다 줄거야.  
당신을 위해 넘어지는 데 걸리는 시간은 3 초 정도 걸립니다.

하지만 나는 네가 그 의미 인 것처럼 느낀다.  
내 영원의  
TV 화면, 욕실 거울, 태양에서 당신의 모습을 봅니다.  
무슨 일이있어, 나는 너를 피하고 싶지만 나는 할 수 없다.  
사실, 나는 너를 피하고 싶지 않다.  
사실, 나는 자신을 합리화 할 수 없다.  
너의 생각을 버리고 나에게 안아주고 포옹 해줘.  
너의 비싼 제목을 '오늘 열심히'얻으 라.

[참고 1]  
지금 당장 꺼내주세요.  
나는 너의 브래지어를 가진 주인이다.  
지금 당장 여자애에게 가져 가라.  
벗다  
팬티를 벗길 수있게 도와 줄 수있어.

[참고 2]  
아기 아래로 조명을 어둡게하고, 조명을 어둡게합니다.  
나는 결코 전에 느껴본 적이없는 너 같은 여자 야.  
우리는 당신의 마음을 두 배로 늘릴 것입니다.  
바 배 보 다 다  
  


나는 결코 전에 느껴본 적이없는 너 같은 여자 야.  
아기 아래로 조명을 어둡게하고, 조명을 어둡게합니다.  
나는 결코 전에 느껴본 적이없는 너 같은 여자 야.  
우리는 당신의 마음을 두 배로 늘릴 것입니다.  
나는 결코 전에 느껴본 적이없는 너 같은 여자 야.  
아가

큰 호흡


	29. humbug

"IM GOING TO SHOVE THIS ENTIRE CHRISTMAS TREE UP MY ASS!!"

"rap jesus no!~"

rap jesus didn't listen to me. he did it with four christmas trees before he passed out in the christmas aisle of the dollar store (#LGBTPride🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦🐒😳🤠👌🏻👌🏻😤😤😤🤠🤠🤠🅱️)

rap jesus awoke from his coma to say his first words. tears streaked down my face.

"🍂 HOEvember🍂 is gone😫😭, but now 🎅DICKcember🎅 has cum💧💦💦! That's right get your advent calendars out for 25 straight days of BIG COCK😱🍆! Those cocks will make waiting for big daddy Santa🎅🎅 to cum💦💦 much easier😁😀. Hope you get COAL ⬛️BLACK⬛️ DICK🍆🍆 Send this to 10 nasty bitch elves💁👱 or no presents🎁🎁 and no D😱😣😯. If you get 5 back you are a horny reindeer bitch🐫😦. Get 10 back and you're Ms. Claus slut status🙋👉👌.😣 Merry❄️🌲 Clitmas and a Happy New🎊📆 Year of Ass Action!"

he had such a way with words. i sobbed into his long arms

"princess look, it's the good kush"

"it's the dollar store daddy how good can it be?~"

"u right" he then stopped talking for a moment.  
"i just realized that we're still in this store and it's already been a whole chapter."

shit


	30. grinch

"sir can u please get up ur blocking the aisle"

"HO HO HO BITCH" rap jesus took out his MASSIVE candy cane and plunged it into the employee's festive wreath.

"R-RAP JESUS??!! ARE YOU C-C-C-C-CHEATING ON ME??~" 

"nah babe, come join us."

eggnog was EVERYWHERE (#LGBTPride🏳️‍🌈🌈👨‍👨‍👦🐒🤪😳👌🏻👌🏻😤😤😤🤠🤠🤠🅱️🎅🏻🎅🏻🎅🏻)

(A/N: it was now that i realized that this whole fanfic was a mistake. i shouldn't have ever gotten a wattpad account. i would like to apologize to you the reader)

"LETS HO HO HO OUR WAY TO THE NAUGTHY LIST YOU SLUTTY ELVES"

suddenly rudolph and frosty all collectively burst into the dollar store, ready to get some dickmas on. (#LGBTPride 👌🏻👌🏻😤😤😤🤠🤠🤠🅱️👌🏻👌🏻😤😤😤🤠🤠🤠🅱️👌🏻👌🏻😤😤😤🤠🤠🤠🅱️)

"DROP THE FUCKING CANDY CANES"

we got arrested


	31. ~interlude IIX~

i don't remember where we left off but would u look at that great cover art


	32. ~intermission IIX~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da  
  


I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

LOUD BREATH


	33. downtrod

rap jesus' f**t were aching. we are in JA I L. he got shanked twelve times but survived cause he has 57 lives like a cat.

"hey daddy~" i whispered, staring at his f**t. "do u want me to run your f**t for you??~"

"MMM IDK BABE THATS A LITTLE TOO SEXUAL FOR ME" he gasped. "i don't think we've reached that level yet. we've only done pure things so far."

"you flew into the air and licked~_"

suddenly a voice came from the next cell

"why are there koreans here"

we turned to see a very large man with very large f**t. your eyes started to water with lust 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤👣👣👣👣

"근관 운명 약속이 지체 됨!" Rap jesus yelled back.

"JUST SAY FEET!" the man said, causing you to cover your ears. What bad language!!!!!!

"gasp!~" you gasp!!!!

"(Y/N) i have six FEET and i want you to LICK THEM NOW!!!!" rap jesus demanded, murdering the other man with his spiky tentacles.

"😭😭🤤🤤😝😝😝😝😝😝😝🤪🤪🤪🤪👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅👅~" you say.

"👣👣👣👣👣👣👣" he said back. those wee some sexy fOoTS!

"NOW LICK THEM YOU THOTS" we screamed as he flew towards us after breaking the bars of the cell and coming back to life and baring his large and sexy f**t at us. we screamed in panic

"WER EALL GONNA DIE"

(A/N: ok so i just wanted to point out that we still haven't raised anymore in the spiritual ranking and i just wanted to say that i'm strongly disappointed. as previously mentioned my lawyer forbades me from going after all of you but just know that i would if i could. he is unhappy with me for writing that so i'm gonna post this before he notic


	34. on the edge

"succ my toes!" the spooky man yelled. rap jesus was so spooked. the spooky spook man made him feel too spooked and he yelled a spooky yell.

"😍😍😍" the man said as his toes were licced. "oh oh oh" he said.

rap jesuses 148 foot lonnbg tungoo slurped the 20 toes in front of him with ultimate skill.

he stepped on a nail. "ow"

why does it feel like this has happened befo-


	35. ~interlude IX~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•rap jesuses 148 foot lonnbg tungoo slurped the 20 toes in front of him with ultimate skill.•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	36. ~intermission IX~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

LOUD BREATH


	37. mad (cow disease)

"moo moo"

rap jesus was a cow now. wow. we had so many ideas when this first started but now i feel like we're just scraping the bottom of the barrel here and it's only like chapter-

"ooooo daddy i love riding cows~ 😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍😍"

"moo moo"

his (i'm not a coward) spotted cow ass was thicc sirloin and i was RIDING HIM ALL THE WAY TO THE BOTTOM OF THE OceAn

"moo moo"

you (i'm not a coward either) smacked his thicc tenderloin and whispered to him how much you wanted to eat his filet minion. you fondled his chuck and brisket while eyeing his hearty shank. mmmmm how you wanted that bottom sirloin 🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤🤤

"moo moo"


	38. rock bottom

his bottom was as hard as a rock. so were other parts of him 😦😯😩😩

"babe, where we at?~" rap jesus moaned into me ear. BUBBLES

"did i hear bubbles?!!?!?!?!?" daddy squid shuffled forward and stuck his thicc moist tentacles up both our bootyholes mmmmmmmmm

KRUSTY KRAB KRUSTY KRAB KRUSTY KRAB

the crusty manager joined us with his big meAtY claWs

"YER WASTIN ALL ME MONEYYYYYYYY"

"but we're just standing here!" rap jesus ejaculated

"THERES A STANDIN FEE" he snapped his big meaty claws and almost SNAPPED rap jesussesss NECK but THEN he had mercy on us

"IM WILLIN TO FORGIV YA IF UOU SELL SOME CHOCOLATE"

"i'm Lactose intolerance is a condition in which people have symptoms due to the decreased ability to digest lactose, a sugar found in milk products.[1] Those affected vary in the amount of lactose they can tolerate before symptoms develop.[1] Symptoms may include abdominal pain, bloating, diarrhea, gas, and nausea.[1] These symptoms typically start between half and two hours after drinking milk or eating milk products.[1] Severity depends on the amount a person eats or drinks.[1] It does not cause damage to the gastrointestinal tract.[2] which means that i can't eat or touch chocolate or i will die"

"THEN ILL COLLECT UR 62 CENTS IN DAVY JONES LOCKERRRRRR"

"did someone say they're selling chocolate?" we turned your head to see the new person who had endteted the Krusty Krab Krew's domain. "how much for one?"

"62 cents"

"lmao seriously not everyone's rich"

"yeah it's way too expensive lol" rap jesus agreeed and saluted his fellow comrade

"CHCOLATEEEEEEE!!!!!" the man screamed and rap jesus went :0

"gotta blast" he put me between his pecks and shot me out of the ocean. he flew after me and we both landed IN the ROOF of .........  
  
  
  
  
  
  


ikea 2


	39. ~interlude X~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•"gotta blast" he put me between his pecks and shot me out of the ocean. he flew after me and we both landed IN the ROOF of .........  
  
  
  
  
  
  


ikea 2•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	40. ~intermission X~

모두들 지금 일어나야 할 시간이다.  
진짜 잼있어.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
스페이스 잼에서 춤을 출 수있는 기회가 있습니다.  
좋구나  
어서 꽝 닫고 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
제발 잼을 원한다면  
집안에있는 파티원이 가도록 해.  
너의 소년 "Jayski"a'ight so  
그 일을 지나치고 유연하게 지켜봐주세요.  
내 등 뒤에, 다음에 무엇이 있는지 알지.  
잼에, 모두 당신의 얼굴에  
개소리, 저음 만 느껴봐.  
떨어 뜨려 방에서 내려라.  
흔들어, 지진, 우주 KABOOM  
그 시체를 일하고 그 시체를 작동 시키십시오.  
아무도 다치게하지 않도록하십시오.  
사나워지고 마음을 놓치지 마라.  
이 일을 시간 초과로 가져 가라.  
안녕, DJ UP  
QCD, 타 버려라.  
모두들 바닥에 올라 타라.  
이봐, 가자.  
모두들 지금 일어나야 할 시간이다.  
진짜 잼있어.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
스페이스 잼에서 춤을 출 수있는 기회가 있습니다.  
좋구나  
기분이 좋으면 손을 흔들어 웨이브하십시오.  
우리는 연장 근무를 할 것입니다.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
너의 기회가있어, 스페이스 잼에서 너의 춤을 춰라.  
좋구나  
어서 오라고 소리 치자.  
가자.  
숙녀들이 거기있는 농구라고 한 번 말해봐.  
이제 모든 친구들이 그곳에 후프라고 말합니다.  
어서 달려, 아기 달리기.  
어서, 어서, 달려라.  
그래, 너는 후프를 원한다. 그래서 쏴라, 쏴라.  
C'mon과 슬램, 그리고 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다  
어서 꽝 닫으려고하면  
C'mon과 슬램, 그리고 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다  
어서 꽝 닫으려고하면  
슬램, 빵, 고마워요.  
바닥에 엎드려 잼  
마이크의 QCD입니다.  
너는 나에게 구역에있어.  
어서, 게임 시작 하렴.  
그것을 부셔 라. 네 이름을 말해줘.  
우리 팀, 나는 코치 야.  
해안에서 해안으로 밤새도록 춤을 추자.  
왼쪽에서 오른쪽으로 슬라이드하기 만하면됩니다.  
그냥 슬라이드, 너 자신 밤  
QCD,베이스 놓기  
얼굴에 3 점 -1  
그것에 잼, 재미 좀 보자.  
그것에 잼, 하나 하나에  
당신은 구멍을 실행하고 나는 "D"를 실행합니다.  
그래서 나 한테 아기 잼있어.  
모두들 지금 일어나야 할 시간이다.  
진짜 잼있어.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
스페이스 잼에서 춤을 출 수있는 기회가 있습니다.  
좋구나  
기분이 좋으면 손을 흔들어 웨이브하십시오.  
우리는 연장 근무를 할 것입니다.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
너의 기회가있어, 스페이스 잼에서 너의 춤을 춰라.  
좋구나  
이봐 요 숙녀분들.  
"야아"  
모두 준비 됐어.  
"아니!"  
왜 그런지 알고 싶어.  
"왜?"  
왜냐하면 그건 슬램 잼이야.  
친구들  
"야아"  
모두들 준비 할 준비가 됐어.  
"아니!"  
왜 그런지 알고 싶어?  
"왜?"  
이제 슬램 할 시간이다.  
모두들 지금 일어나야 할 시간이다.  
진짜 잼있어.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
스페이스 잼에서 춤을 출 수있는 기회가 있습니다.  
좋구나  
기분이 좋으면 손을 흔들어 웨이브하십시오.  
우리는 연장 근무를 할 것입니다.  
스페이스 잼에 오신 것을 환영합니다.  
너의 기회가있어, 스페이스 잼에서 너의 춤을 춰라.  
좋구나  
자, 모두들, 아니, 그렇지 않다.  
어서, 니가 할 말을 듣게 해줘. 이봐.  
어서, 모두들, 아니, 아냐, 아냐.  
헤이 아이 오라고 말할 시간을 가지세요.  
이것 좀 봐, 확인해, 이거 준비 됐니? 너도 알지.  
아니, 준비가 안됐어. 다 준비 됐니? 너도 알지.  
어서 확인해 봐, 잼 준비 됐니? 너도 알지.  
아니, 나는 그렇게 생각하지 않아. 다 준비 됐어? 너도 알지.  
어서


	41. labor

"h͉̮̟̯̲̰͢ͅi̼͕͚͎ ̨̺̖̻̥w̲͈͇̠̯ẹ̸͈l̤͉̻̼͖͙c͖̤͖͔o̰̙̜̠m̰͇̖̖̙̥͢e̗̝̹̪̫͓ͅ ҉͉̞t̲͎̲̞͔̜o̲̖̗ C͕͔͘h̸̜̻̜͙̞̹͓il̻̞̟ị̧̭̤̺'̟̹sͅ"

you turn to see a young male employee standing at the entrance to the holy land (ikea 2)

"oh wait sorry," the employee said, "that's not what this is. i slip up sometimes after working in so many stor- uh i mean hi welcome to ikea 2"

me and rap jesus turned to each other

"there's a two~"? i asked

"yeah it's basically ikea 1 but we've got like better meatballs. oh also there's a lotta cursed shit but like people only come for like the meatballs" the male man gave us an awkard thumbs up

"ok well i think we can skip this o-~"

***bass boost***

**_ " _ ** **_ O͉̩̙̠N̘͔̝̠E̝̰ ̠̭͕̼C̢͕̜͓̻ͅͅA̠̬͚̝̫N̢͔̹̪̬͇̱N̰͇̣̗̪̤͖O̰͔͓͞T̬̜̪̜ ̢͎̯͕̖̭ͅS̝̗̯̮̯K̷̥͙̪̥̬̲ͅI̦͇̥P̠͚̙͠ ̫̮̹̹̱̯ _ ** **_ I _ ** **_ K͉̞͎E̮̰͕͙̲̦͍͢A͚͈͎̯͓̙ ͖̻2̦͘ _ **  
**_ ̰̩̲̦̙͡P͕̼͈͖͝R̮̗͇͇̲͜A̻̪̲̜̻̠̙ _ ** **_ Ị _ ** **_ S̵͖̻͕͕E͡ ̪͙̪B̷̼̼̖̦̲E̸̯̮̬̠ _ ** **_ ̰ _ ** **_ U̺̠͍̱̩͉ _ ** **_ N̸ _ ** **_ T̰̰̳̠͉͉ _ ** **_ O _ ** **_ ͓̝̤̪̗̣ͅJ͢Ḛ͚̹̣̭̣͙Ș͎͜ _ ** **_ P _ ** **_ Ḙ̻̻͓̹͖̲͝R͘ ̙̖̲B͍̙͢R̩͎̲̝̲͟O͈̜͍̰͉Ḑ̩̗I̦̲̠̱̥N̤̲̤̣͚̘ _ ** **_ " _ **

"OWO" rap jesus said as he said he said as he said. there was a mASSIVE.....

party room!!!

"ooo daddy let's dance~" i say grinding into the multicolored wallpaper.

"ikea you got no jams..." rap jesus moaned over the terrible mainstream.

"I̗̪̫̤̪̩̬͍̹͕̺̰͚̥̗͇͙ͣ̂̀ͣ̏͊͐͗̓̑͊͌̍͐ͨ̏̕͟K̠̪͍̬̥͔̭̂ͬ͂ͦ͊̑̕E̸͇̙̮͇͚͎͙̻̫̤̰͉̹̜͓͎̖͊̈́̚Āͣͤ̅́ͤ͌̽ͫ͗ͪͦ̋̎̚͏̕͟͏͏̫̘̦͉̠̺͚̱̭̙̞͈͉͕͈͖̫̻ ̢̄ͬ̿̄̿̀ͤ̈́͑͆͛̈́ͧ͜҉̶̱̺̥͍̘͖̲̳͇̝̙̳̙̱O̶̵̜̪̪͍̣̲̅̍ͪ͊̋͆ͫ͛̓N̢͚͍̘̬͔̬̬͚̦̥͕̦̫ͭ̂̔̔̀̍̈́ͧ̋̄ͩ̋ͯͭ̈̒̅̓͟͜L̶̛̓͂̎ͧ͆̆̅͌̉ͧ̎̓̽҉͇̪͕̬͎͇̮̞̫̼̙͚͖͓͔̤ͅY̢͔͉̘͚̻̘̗͇̻̺͛̾̑̅ͭ̽̏̒ͫͣ̊͑̚͘ͅ ̋̀ͣͩ͐ͥ̓̊҉̖̰͎̫̼̺̘̟̬͇̳̠͇̲͠ͅḨ̢̙̹̯̲̱̘̯̺͍̹̻̤ͯ͒ͥ͛̏ͫ͊͛̌̀̓̆̚̕͝ͅͅA̙̺͈͍̜̠͈̯̓͌̐ͤ́́͗̍͆͘͜͞͡S̡̛͇̝̮̲̪̎̆̐ͥ͂͋̆̇̄̌̊̑̚̕ ̶̛̼͎̝̺̮͆͒͌͗̇͋͂ͯ̈́ͥ̒̐̉͋ͦ̔͟͜J̨̎̊̅͐̃̈́̒҉̧̡̭̭̼̣̺͕̻A̷̘̘̟̤̼̬̗̬̺͊̿́ͬ̓̀͋͑̄ͪ̽ͪͫ̓ͭ̍͛ͬ͝M͒ͬͩ̾̚͏̶̢̼̝̬̳̹̼̭̻͓̤̟̯͟͞S̨͍͈͚̳̙̲͚̝ͤͩ̊́̉͗̑͋̔̀ͮ̐̃͋̓̐͂ͪ̾͟͡" the employee SCREECHED..

"COME ON AND SLAM-" rap jesus body rolled into a table. "AND WELCOME TO THE **JAM."**

"oh daddy!~" i scream.

THEYRE HERE

(A/N: hey guys my lawyer is concerned that my previous depiction of IKEA (all rights reserved) could get us sued, or worse: this story could get taken down. in order to fix this issue and please my lawyer (😏🤫) these chapters will feature a more accurate and flattering depiction of IKEA. thank you)


	42. capitalism

"and this is the mens restroom"

"amazing. fucjing incredible." rap jesus nutted.

"again i'm not really sure why you guys wanted a tour of ikea 2 but i mean like i got nothing else to do," the employee shrugged, he sounded bored but he still had a creppy smile

"daddy~ where is the arson room?~"

the employeeeet's face darkened and his eyes turned invisible. "we don't speak of the arson room o_O"

rap jesus pulled out his MASSIVE

ak-47 and aimed it at the emploYEE's ween.

the arson room was great! rap jesus slithered along the walls, still wet with nut.

"why do you guys have like 60 pipe bombs~?" i turned to the employee

"o̞̱h͇͈͎̝̞̕ͅ ̩̻y̻͍͎̳̬o͎͎̜̭̬̯̜u̩̩̥̬̮ ͝k̤̳͓̼̮̘nọ͎̺̮͙w҉͍̞̖̩͙͖ ͏̦̤̯̘;̛͎̯͇̩͓̝)̦̩̦̝̣̱̳"

before you could respond, rap jesus grabbed ur shirt 😳(🤫) and said "babe we gotta blow this place up. no one else can know the true wonders of ikea 2 but us"

"so were gonna kill the emploee 2?"

"yeah. we gotta. let's blow this joint and then you can maybe blow something else 😏🤫"

we went to the janitor closet (which we saw in the spectacular tour". when we opened it the same emplowe was in there

rap jesus's jaw unhinged as he whispered "c̷l͡e͇̣̘ͅa̷͙̟ͅn͕̣͎̼ ͍̯̙͖̘̫ͅu͍̤͇͓p͚ ͎̺̮̦̭o̜̖͕͎̺͔̗n̬͜ ̰̯̹̻̩̹̜a̸̤̦̱̲̯ͅi̟̗̝ͅs̢̖̮̠̞̺ļ͔̤̱̙̤͖̩e ͖̥̩͔̟̖ͅ3̪̰̺̰͞ͅ"

he ran away

"ok i think we got enough shit here to make a dope ass uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh pipe bomb"

"ok~" we put a pipe bomb together and blew the place up.

the walls were hella lit and da sofas (thicc) bounced off rap jesuses BOUNCY ABS.

"the fuck" rap jesus gasped. ikea was GONE but the emolrueye was still THERE standing with 0 harm.

"guys you're going to have to pay for that."


	43. ~interlude XI~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~"you guys are going to have to pay for that"

he slowly stepped forward. rap jesus fearfully asked, "who ARE you?????????🤔"

"me? heh.....  
  
  


i'm joe ikea"•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	44. ~intermission XI~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today

[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

LOUD BREATH


	45. jealousy

"i heard you were hangin out with godzilla the other day"

"r-rap jesus, it's not what you think~!"

"i won't hesitate bitch"

rap jesus pulled out his 102 foot peen and landed on his tummy 🤫 he flopped onto the-

"oCEAN MAN TAKE ME BY THE HAND" rap jesus' connection with ocean man was BEAUTIFUL

"babe we're going to japan so i can kill that godzilla BITCH. hop on 🤫😏😏"

rap jesus slinked and i RAN RAN RAN across his body 👌🏻👌🏻😤😤😤🤠🤠🤠🅱️ (all 532 feet of it.... 10 times to make a mile)

"BABE KEEP UP" he slinkies and i JUMP OVER HIS PEEN LIKE A HURDLE

WE DO THIS 7159 MORE TIMES. WE DON'T STOP WE NEVER STOP

~40 hours later~

"wow babe u sure ran fast 😏😍😩 i lov when u do that"

"thanks daddy~"

"wait. did you run that fast just so u could see godzilla sooner 🤔🤔🤔👀🤔🤔👀🤔🤔"

"UH NO DADDY IM JUST A HUGE WEEB~"

"oh lol ok"  
  
(ngl tho godzilla is thicc af 🤫🤫🔥🔥💯💯)


	46. envy

"alright godzilla lets fight"

rap jesus rolled his sleeves up (😩😩😩) and put up his fists.

"fite me irl m8"

rap jesus pUNCHED godzilla in the face over and over going "hYEEEAAAAAAAAH" (it's in japan so he's a weeb too)

"oh no, my áčhïñg tēńtåçłêś" godzilla stumbled back. the punches must have been IN TENTS. godzilla then died.

"i did it." rap jesus smiled "i beat godzilla.... because my friends had my back." he gave the camera a thumbs up 👍🏻✔️💯ははははㅎㅎㅎㅎ

"noT SO FAST" god stood up and spit on the ground 🤤 "I NEED TO SAY MY TRAGIC BACKSTORY FIRST"

"lmao look at this loser" rap jesus ate his burger and played skeeball with you

"i used to be the tallest and now you think you can slither in here with your-"

"hey babe let's leave i'm bored"

"kay daddy~"

u leave godzilla and he's still talking idk what about tho lmaoooooooo

(A/N: k so my lawyer is mad that i blew up ikea 2 but i believe that my art shouldn't be repressed by any legal system. he is currently talking about ending our contract. i am concerned but not surprised.)


	47. ~interlude XII~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•u leave godzilla and he's still talking idk what about tho lmaoooooooo•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•~


	48. ~intermission XII~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today  
[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

 **I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before**  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

** LOUD BREATH **


	49. inconvenience

A/N: For anyone who hasn't read A Child's First Book of American History, this is a big ol' spoiler 🤫🤫

"daddy i really wanna take a break and go see a play or something~" i tugged on rap jesusss shirt 😏🤫

"ok, how about we go to the wonderful and historical Ford's Theatre in Washington, d.c. to see Our American Cousin?" he smirked and pulled on a top hat

"ok daddy but what's with the top hat?~"

"oh you know🤫"

we walked up to the ticket counter

"one ticket for Our American Cousin please, box seats if you can." he winked at the camera. rap jesus pauses "hey wait a minute. u look kinda familiar"

"i̼̬̺'̳͕̟̦m̼̺̟̮̹͢ ҉͎̱͚͙͇j͎̳͘ṳ͙̮̝̳ͅs̻̝̘̠̜t ͍̗͝u̖̹̬̬͚̣͝r ̗̗͡f͚͙̮r̢̥i͎̬̤ȩͅṇ͉d̦̦͇͝l̘̟͇͢ỵ̳̺̣̤ ̧̜̮̭̝̞t̵͚͍̤͖ic̪͙̖͝ķ̖̰̠̻̤e̶̥t̘̮͎͢ ͏̹͇s̷̫͙͍̩͇͙̙a͈̭̭̣͈͙l̥̥̩̥͔̗̮͟e̻͟s͏m̶̰a̱̤͚͞n̹̪͓̥,̟ ̥͚̪̪̩k͍i͔̝̩̝̤n̤͢d ̴s̭̬̥̘̺ͅt͜r̫͔͇an̡̫̖̤g̦̦̼e̲͎̺̖̱̯͉r̛ ̺͈̬:̛)͓"

"oh ok lol thanks, nice .44-caliber derringer pistol made by Henry Deringer of Philadelphia by the way"

"thanks man, you'll see a lot more of it" the employee winked at the camera.

"wow daddy~ even tho we're l8 this show is funny af"

rap jesus scREAMED with laugher "hAHAHAHAHQHQHQHAHAHHAAHJAA"

"dude shut up you're violating our laughter policy" the twink from the front desk help up his sexy thicc .44-caliber derringer pistol made by Henry Deringer of Philadelphia and

SHOT RAP JESUS IN THE HEAD

the crowd looked up to the direction of the noise

"wow lol this play is so realistic"

"DADDY~~~~"

the quick white employee jumped over the lazy railing and onto the stage. he said

"My teacher said to my I'm a failure, that I'll never amount to anything. I scoffed at him. Shocked, my teacher asked what's so funny, my future is on the line. "Well...you see professor" I say as the teacher prepares to laugh at my answer, rebuttal at hand. "I don't listen to rap music." The class is shocked, they merely listen to pleb music like Gucci Gang to feign intelligence, not grasping the artistry. "...how? I can't even understand it's sheer nuance and subtlety." "Well you see... UPTOWN FUNK YOU UP!" One line student laughs in the back, I turn to see a who this fellow genius is. It's none other than Ludwig Van Beethoven."

rap jesus looked at his hands and muttered "useless... useless"


	50. displeasure

Crowds of excited people lined the streets and waved to the Rap Jesus. The car turned off Main Street at Dealey Plaza around 12:30 p.m. As it was passing the Texas School Book Depository

he died


	51. ~interlude XIII~

•~•~•~•~•~•~•he died•~•~•~•~•~•~•~


	52. ~intermission XIII~

[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid you but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today  
[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

 **I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before**  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

** LOUD BREATH **


	53. #ganguish4life 😔

where do i begin...

let's start with this -  
i'm sorry.

this is a first for me. i've never faced criticism like this before, because i've never made a mistake. i'm surrounded by good people and believe i make good decisions, but i'm still a human being. i can be wrong.

i didn't do it for kudos. i get kudos. i did it because i thought i could make a positive ripple on the internet, not cause a monsoon of negativity. that's never the intention. i intended to raise awareness for assassination and assassination prevention and while i thought "if this chapter saves just ONE life, it'll be worth it," i was misguided by shock and awe, as portrayed in the chapter. i still am.

i do this po*p every day. i've made a 200 word chapter EVERY SINGLE DAY for the past 40+ days. one may understand that it's easy to get caught up in the moment without fully weighing the possible ramifications.

i'm often reminded of how big of a reach i truly have & with great power comes great responsibility... for the first time in my life i'm regretful to say i handled that power incorrectly. it won't happen again.

i love everyone. i believe in people. i'm out here. peace ✌🏻 #ganguish4life😔🙏🏻😖😢🤥🤫🤠


	54. lemon 🤫

"WHEN LIFE GIVES YOU LEMONS" rap jesus' shopping bag expLODED and lemons went eveRYWHERE.

his Puma ™ Bog Sock ™ Sneakers ™ (Manufactured by Puma ™) got TAINTED (🤤)

"daddy, dance for me~" i yelled from the other country

"oh babe, u know im great at that" his beautiful slinky arms flew around his Puma ™ Bog Sock ™ Sneakers ™ and the lemons were LIT

"mmmmm!im gonna nut~" you moan as u watch his graceful lemon dance

"do it"

i nutted all over his Puma ™ Bog Sock ™ Sneakers ™ 

"babe!!!!!! not on my Puma ™ Bog Sock ™ Sneakers ™!!!!"

"sorry daddy~" i cry.

"it's ok!!!!! these Puma ™ Bag Sock ™ Sneakers ™ are incredibly durable!"

we laughed and went to the Puma ™ store to purchase more quality Puma ™ merchandise

(A/N: FUCK u guys for taking me to court over this fic i had to find a way to pay these damn legal fees and also my lawyer made me write an APOLOGI that i didn't even mean i HATE you guys but not the real #ganguish hoes cause y'all are the realest. we out here 😤)


	55. ~interlude XIV~

~•~•~•~•~•~•~•we laughed and went to the Puma ™ store to purchase more quality Puma ™ merchandise•~•~•~•~•~•~•~•


	56. ~intermission XIV~

  
  
[Intro]  
1, 2, 3

[Verse]  
GIIIIIIIIIIIRL, You're the medicine patch that slowly eases my motion sickness  
Wherever I go I'll have it under my ear  
The time it takes to fall for you takes 3 seconds

But I feel as though you're the meaning  
of my eternity  
I see visions of you on the tv screen, bathroom mirror, and the sun  
What's going on, I want to avoid y

ou but I can't  
Actually, it's not that I want to avoid you  
In fact, I can't rationalize myself  
Put your thoughts away and just give me a hug, give me a hug  
Put your expensive title of 'hard to get' down for today  
[Refrain 1]  
Take it off now girl just take it off  
I'm a master, baby with your bra  
Take it off now girl just  
take it off  
I can help you slide those panties off

[Refrain 2]  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
Ba ba bo bo da da

 **I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before**  
Dim the lights down baby, dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
We gonna double your heart great form lady, just dim the lights  
I'm a beat that pussy like you never ever felt before  
Baby

** LOUD BREATH **


	57. failure

**_"no more rap jesuses jumping on the bed" - Edgar Allen Poe_ **

**_"oh shit lmao it's money" - Dr. Seuss_ **

**_"my ear is bleeding." "woah are you okay?"- J.K. Rowling_ **

**_"#LGBTPride_** 🏳️‍🌈💖😊😊😊 ** _" - Benjamin Franklin_**

**_"yo rap jesus is one sexy mofo" - The New York Times_ **

**_"anguish gang anguish gang anguish gang got 50 chapters in my fanfic thang"- Shakespeare_ **

**_"this fanfic has redefined true BDSM literature. also i am a failure"- E. L. James_ **

**_"I am certain that my fellow Americans expect that on my induction into the Presidency I will address them with a candor and a decision which the present situation of our people impel. This is preeminently the time to speak the truth, the whole truth, frankly and boldly. Nor need we shrink from honestly facing conditions in our country today. This great Nation will endure as it has endured, will revive and will prosper. So, first of all, let me assert my firm belief that the only thing we have to fear is fear itself—nameless, unreasoning, unjustified terror which paralyzes needed efforts to convert retreat into advance. In every dark hour of our national life a leadership of frankness and vigor has met with that understanding and support of the people themselves which is essential to victory. I am convinced that you will again give that support to leadership in these critical days._**  
 ** _In such a spirit on my part and on yours we face our common difficulties. They concern, thank God, only material things. Values have shrunken to fantastic levels; taxes have risen; our ability to pay has fallen; government of all kinds is faced by serious curtailment of income; the means of exchange are frozen in the currents of trade; the withered leaves of industrial enterprise lie on every side; farmers find no markets for their produce; the savings of many years in thousands of families are gone._**  
 ** _More important, a host of unemployed citizens face the grim problem of existence, and an equally great number toil with little return. Only a foolish optimist can deny the dark realities of the moment._**  
 ** _Yet our distress comes from no failure of substance. We are stricken by no plague of locusts. Compared with the perils which our forefathers conquered because they believed and were not afraid, we have still much to be thankful for. Nature still offers her bounty and human efforts have multiplied it. Plenty is at our doorstep, but a generous use of it languishes in the very sight of the supply. Primarily this is because the rulers of the exchange of mankind's goods have failed, through their own stubbornness and their own incompetence, have admitted their failure, and abdicated. Practices of the unscrupulous money changers stand indicted in the court of public opinion, rejected by the hearts and minds of men._**  
 ** _True they have tried, but their efforts have been cast in the pattern of an outworn tradition. Faced by failure of credit they have proposed only the lending of more money. Stripped of the lure of profit by which to induce our people to follow their false leadership, they have resorted to exhortations, pleading tearfully for restored confidence. They know only the rules of a generation of self-seekers. They have no vision, and when there is no vision the people perish._**  
 ** _The money changers have fled from their high seats in the temple of our civilization. We may now restore that temple to the ancient truths. The measure of the restoration lies in the extent to which we apply social values more noble than mere monetary profit._**  
 ** _Happiness lies not in the mere possession of money; it lies in the joy of achievement, in the thrill of creative effort. The joy and moral stimulation of work no longer must be forgotten in the mad chase of evanescent profits. These dark days will be worth all they cost us if they teach us that our true destiny is not to be ministered unto but to minister to ourselves and to our fellow men._**  
 ** _Recognition of the falsity of material wealth as the standard of success goes hand in hand with the abandonment of the false belief that public office and high political position are to be valued only by the standards of pride of place and personal profit; and there must be an end to a conduct in banking and in business which too often has given to a sacred trust the likeness of callous and selfish wrongdoing. Small wonder that confidence languishes, for it thrives only on honesty, on honor, on the sacredness of obligations, on faithful protection, on unselfish performance; without them it cannot live._**  
 ** _Restoration calls, however, not for changes in ethics alone. This Nation asks for action, and action now._**  
 ** _Our greatest primary task is to put people to work. This is no unsolvable problem if we face it wisely and courageously. It can be accomplished in part by direct recruiting by the Government itself, treating the task as we would treat the emergency of a war, but at the same time, through this employment, accomplishing greatly needed projects to stimulate and reorganize the use of our natural resources._**  
 ** _Hand in hand #LGBTPride_** 🏳️‍🌈💗🤠 ** _with this we must frankly recognize the overbalance of population in our industrial centers and, by engaging on a national scale in a redistribution, endeavor to provide a better use of the land for those best fitted for the land. The task can be helped by definite efforts to raise the values of agricultural products and with this the power to purchase the output of our cities. It can be helped by preventing realistically the tragedy of the growing loss through foreclosure of our small homes and our farms. It can be helped by insistence that the Federal, State, and local governments act forthwith on the demand that their cost be drastically reduced. It can be helped by the unifying of relief activities which today are often scattered, uneconomical, and unequal. It can be helped by national planning for and supervision of all forms of transportation and of communications and other utilities which have a definitely public character. There are many ways in which it can be helped, but it can never be helped merely by talking about it. We must act and act quickly._**  
 ** _Finally, in our progress toward a resumption of work we require two safeguards against a return of the evils of the old order; there must be a strict supervision of all banking and credits and investments; there must be an end to speculation with other people's money, and there must be provision for an adequate but sound currency._**  
 ** _There are the lines of attack. I shall presently urge upon a new Congress in special session detailed measures for their fulfillment, and I shall seek the immediate assistance of the several States._**  
 ** _Through this program of action we address ourselves to putting our own national house in order and making income balance outgo. Our international trade relations, though vastly important, are in point of time and necessity secondary to the establishment of a sound national economy. I favor as a practical policy the putting of first things first. I shall spare no effort to restore world trade by international economic readjustment, but the emergency at home cannot wait on that accomplishment." - Joe Ikea_**

**_"fuck y'all for dissing windows 10 ok we worked hard on that."- Bill Gates_ **

**_"lmao what" - Spider-man_ **

**_"how did you get past security"- Lee Nak-yeon_ **

**_"we should start the chapter now lol" - Washington Post_ **


	58. eternal sleep

"daddy~ we hadn't boned since the foot chapter~" i said to rap jesus as we continued our walk to the mountain

"u RIGHT. we need to fix this. lets go to the mattress store. oh look. it's right there"

we walked into the OMINOUS MATRESS FIRM and the employie greeted us

"welcum to matters firm"

"what employeet?~" you say. the eployereyertt WAS GONE.

"uhhh idk babe but let's go roll around over there" rap jesus pooped.

we jumped on the bed 🤫🤫🤫🤔 until we heard a CRASH.

"daddy what was that~?" i moan. rap jesus stick his thicc toe on the bed one more time and BAGS AMD BAGS OF MONEEEE FELL OUT OF IT

the store lighting turned bLACK and the voices in my head got LOUDER.

"daddy i'm scared~" i whimper as i clutch his ween for safety.

"babe, it'll be okaaaaaaaaa-" hE GOT DRAGGED AWAY BY AN INVISIBLE FORCE

I COULD SMELL WEED

HELP ME SOMEBODY PLEAS EHEL

(A/N: the weather today is so nice :) )


	59. ~interlude XV~

•~•~•~•~••~I COULD SMELL WEED

HELP ME SOMEBODY PLEAS EHEL•~•~•~•~•~


	60. ~intermission XV~

wnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodelewnapjeofjwlwndodjwksnfksjdkcjdownsifjdkqndojsnwlndsomdpvisjqnwojfofoeuwieifofnslaixbcnsiwoaldkfnelajdndkwjqpmsnffjeowlwjwndnfpsksndbfjdkelwmsbfjiflwnsbeheowkbwkqowbdnfndkjslwjendjelwlwmdndmdlslwjehduroryeopqkandhddiowkaksldhwpquoenfndlwkwhfodele  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


I COULD SMELL WEED


	61. mistake

i am so sorry.


End file.
